hey!listen

this just in.

Fri, 24 Feb 2006 17:25:04 GMT

i'm breathing for two.

<3

happily ever before, during, and after:the perfect ending.

Sun, 14 Nov 2004 06:05:08 GMT

everything is much different now. i am in no way complaining about such changes. but it should be known to anyone out there who has ever cared enough about me to know these things. we probably don't talk as much now, if at all. we probably don't see as much of each other anymore, if at all. there are reasons for these actions or lack there of. maybe they aren't good reasons and quite possibly they are all together selfish. noneless, i feel justified. and well, we all know that it's survival of the fittest. lets face it, we are out to please ourselves. i don't work so that i can feed your mouths. i do not waste my time trying to make it so that you can have a roof over your head and a smile on your face. my obligation for finding love and happiness is for myself and no other than just that. all the same, you do none of these things for me. you work for your reasons. and you learn from your mistakes to make your life better. you try so that you can put a smile on your own face.
for a very long time, i didn't do anything for myself. i'm not saying that i went out of my way all the time for everyone else, but i used to be much more hesitant to what i wanted to do if it meant that a "friend" would be the slightest bit upset.
well i'm just here to tell you that i am different.
i am happy.
i work for me.
i learn for my life.
i smile because i'm proud.
this is my last post. i don't think i will delete my journal. at least not for a while. every couples of weeks i would like to be able to look back at what i have written and remind myself of everything i have ever felt.
i just wanted it to end in a way that meant something to me.
i wanted to end it on a good note. {closure if you will.}

for now and for always, i owe this entire entry, this metamorphasis, this completely one hundred percent happiness to the most amazing person i've ever known.

mms, thank you for everything you'll never fully comprehend.
with love.

penny wise, pound foolish.

Wed, 10 Nov 2004 00:20:19 GMT

it's too cold for this.

it's all relative.

Wed, 20 Oct 2004 18:39:19 GMT

when i was a little girl i used to crawl around in the grass, hopelessly trying to catch ladybugs.
after some time would pass, i'd get tired and fall asleep.
when i woke up, ladybugs were crawling all over my body.

i got tired.
and i fell asleep.
recently, i have risen.
and there he was.
laying all over my body.

ahh!

Thu, 07 Oct 2004 17:27:05 GMT

okay so normally i absolutely do not care for birthday's whatsoever.
i mean cool, i'm older, whatever, i'm still not old.
and i don't care for a thousand people to sing to me or dance or make me blush in anyway.
it's too much. makes me nervous.
but today is cool for two reasons:

a)it couldn't be any nicer outside.
(i like when it's just right.)

b)my boo made me pancakes in bed.
{the smoke alarm going off this morning was irrelevent.)
it was still the cuuuutest thing i have ever known.

you make today not so bad.
<3

Sat, 02 Oct 2004 07:30:52 GMT

i'm cold.
and i'm scared.
i'm alone.
and i can't sleep.
i'm craving your touch as if it's been years.
and i fear that you don't know the truth.

know this:
i wouldn't have left had there been another option.

oooh la la.

Thu, 23 Sep 2004 18:20:48 GMT

Matt + Allison = <3 4 E-V-A.

{for the record, i hate abbreviations and though i was extremely tempted to spell out "four" vs "4", i opted to shy away from temptation being that it would take away from the third gradish effect i was shootin for.}

holler.

douche bag.

Thu, 16 Sep 2004 17:21:23 GMT

i don't bite my nails because i'm nervous.
i bite them because i hate long nails.
disgusting.

i'm going to go clean while i still have energy.
then i find mica and sarah.
then we play a little.
then i kiss my boo.
then i go learn.
then i kiss my boo again.

rough gig.
i kid, i kid.

Wed, 15 Sep 2004 18:33:23 GMT

everything keeps getting better and better.
many things are shitty, but i can't help smiling.
i guess that's what happens when...

yea, you get the picture.
-------------------------

FEARSOME FOURSOME:
let's make a date.

5 letters bleed doubt.

Mon, 13 Sep 2004 16:59:10 GMT

i miss a few things.
my mom the most.

screws fall out.
it's an imperfect world.

Wed, 08 Sep 2004 16:37:31 GMT

take me away.
please.
i hate it here.

anonymity is worthless.

Tue, 07 Sep 2004 13:02:48 GMT

loose lips get split.

i started over on august 24th.

Tue, 07 Sep 2004 05:21:00 GMT

you are everything i always hoped existed.
i didn't expect you so soon.
when i'm finished being caught off gaurd, this will be the greatest thing in the world.
for both of us.
not a single regret.
i refuse to look back.
i made up my mind.
and this is what i want.

dreaming.wishing.waiting.drifting.

Mon, 06 Sep 2004 05:19:54 GMT

something was great and you didn't have the right facial expression to show it.
it was just as it was supposed to be and you didn't have the decency to enjoy it.
this was perfect and you had the audacity to pin point the very thing you tried so hard not to see.
everything was wrong and you didn't have the words or guts to speak up.

i haven't been this nervous since november.
i wish i had a treasure chest full of the necessary items to pull me through this. i don't have a treasure chest. and if i did, odds are it would be empty. it's so like me to not plan ahead. i'm always wingin it. hypothetically speaking, i still suck.
fuck this noise.
smack some sense into me.
tell me to quit thinking like a retard.
tell me to shut the fuck up.
tell me i have no reason to talk such shit and get on with it.
tell me you want me and it's fine.

the horns.

Sun, 05 Sep 2004 03:03:56 GMT

i just got home from work.
i have feelings that go against most of society.
i probably should work in a factory.
whatever.
school starts tuesday. ehh. right, that sucks. i need to go find my classes so i'm not an idiot on the first day. i'll save my idiotness til the second week of school...keep em on their toes. is idiotness a word? i think that was my point. or something.
i'm not going to do anything tonight but sleep.
ohh i like catchin up on sleep.
my bed looks good.

i miss my booface more than normal.
he's out of state and i can't get to him.
i don't like that.
absense makes the heart grow fonder.
whoever made that up is a douche.
i don't want my heart to grow fonder.
i just want to kiss my boyfriend.
i like saying that.
my boyfriend.
<3

i'm going to go watch mtv now.
like i really need that in my life.

like a jellyfish.

Thu, 02 Sep 2004 05:47:09 GMT

note to (my)self:
i will not feel this,
if i don't throw in the towel.

note to (your)self:
i do not care for recycling,
i'm not talking about paper and plastic.

note to (my)world:
work on sleeping,
less on this.

note to (your)world:
see my face,
when you can't hear these words.

note to (us):
world series.

salt -n- peppa's here.

Wed, 01 Sep 2004 16:48:06 GMT

when this is over, i need to do some cleaning. don't even think anything is really all that dirty, but i feel like there is a void floating around if i don't follow my schedule.
work is soon. that's gay.
jill {moore} and i are playing catch-up while i type this. that's cool. i like that girl. she's pretty.
lastnight was good.
i have a piercing waiting for me.
and i have the cuuuutest boy ever to thank for that. {thank you, love}
it's almost the weekend.
i need to make more money.
i need to pay my debt.
i need to start the move-out process. ehhh.

i'm going to go get my shit done.
i want to kiss the matt before work.
haha.
the matt.

To My LaLaLadies:
ashley, i miss you. and even though i see you everyday at least once, i feel distant. let's make a date.
lisa, i don't know what's going on with you and our outlines have been vacant. this needs to change. let's also make a date.
jenny, i don't even know if you are still in michigan. pleeeease, let's make a date.
fearsome foursome?
so i hear a night for just uuuuussss commin round the bend?
holler ladies. holler.

writing on the wall.

Tue, 31 Aug 2004 05:55:35 GMT

i surrender.
</italics>i'm ready.</i>
i give up.
i give in.
be careful.
break a leg.
i'm right here.
come get me.

no, juan. it's for two.

Mon, 30 Aug 2004 06:50:42 GMT

quite often i feel like maybe my heart is either going to beat so fast that it will explode right out of my chest, or it will stop beating all together.
i think i'm one of those all or nothing kind.
that's stupid.

this typing is non-sense.
i need some sleep. daaaaang, i don't want to sleep here. not now. not tonight. {this is where you smile because i don't like sleeping without you.} let's hear it for cuteness.

apparently i feel it is necessary to put a space between each new/random thought i have. just so everyone is clear that something different has begun. are you following me?

i feel as though i am obligated to state here that i rarely understand what i am saying until it's said and done. by then it's too late, depending on circumstance. if the conclusion is weak, i will be un-happy with the results in which case i should have thought out my entire conversation a little better. point being, i should think before i open my mouth. a little irrelevant here being that i am typing, not talking, which clearly takes more time and thought. conclusion: i know the solution, yet i take it upon myself to still be a part of the problem.
this is why i am cool. because i choose to be stupid.

another day, another smile.
perfect.

survey says:

Sat, 28 Aug 2004 18:16:37 GMT

if time permitted, i still wouldn't have all the right words to describe just what is happening.
awesome.
that'll do just fine.

keep it.

Thu, 26 Aug 2004 03:19:22 GMT

she started out nervous. real nervous. the kind you feel when you wake up from a nightmare and you can't move because you aren't sure if you are dreaming or not.
eventually, she started to settle down. she started to understand why things were the way they are. she started to see things from the outside in.
after everything she had felt and after trying to make sense of it all, she realized she had been over looking the most simple, yet important detail.

she finally remembered how much she loves suprises.
and it seemed to fit her.
because he shocked the hell out of her.
and ~~she~~ i never saw it comming.

she says: figure it out, moron.

Wed, 25 Aug 2004 08:14:09 GMT

i would wake up from these nightmares if i could only stop dreaming.

you ain't got shit on me.

Tue, 24 Aug 2004 18:54:54 GMT

tonight, i am going to be smiling.
hah. who else can garuntee that for themselves?

that's what i thought.
biotch.

when we return.

Mon, 23 Aug 2004 21:26:29 GMT

for me, the worst part of king kong walking down my street is that all the little children can look up at his genitalia.

leeeeeeeeeesa is comming for me.
oh, much over-due.
hurry, love.

me and cinderella.

Fri, 20 Aug 2004 04:10:37 GMT

edit; deleate.
revise; rewrite.

a timeless classic.
pure imagination.
fantasy.
the power of goodbye.
ignorant of introductions.
oblivious to surroundings.
a never ending saga.
click.